Are You Living in a Lobster Trap?

Dear Circle of Friends,

I recently visited the harbor in Oceanside, CA.  Harbor towns are kind of my thing.  I love the ocean breeze, sailboats, and my personal favorite; the barking of the sealions sunning on the docks. Along my journey I discovered a wall of stacked lobster traps. I wandered over to them and looked inside. If you are not familiar with how they work let me enlighten you; food is placed inside the trap to attract lobsters. The entrance way is called “the head” which leads them into the “kitchen” where the bait bag is located. When the lobster tries to leave the trap, it follows a funnel shaped net and lands in the “bedroom” or “parlor” where they are inevitably stuck. However, there is always an escape hatch for smaller lobsters and fish to get out.

As I continued my walk, I thought…

Do you ever feel like you live in a lobster trap?

 What looks like an easy meal hanging there for the taking, only to find out that you have trapped yourself into a place where you feel you can never get out. 

That trapped/ stuck feeling of something is not working for you anymore. Maybe its your job, relationship, friends, or the everyday life with no excitement.

I know I have experienced this and said, “I feel trapped”!  Doing the same thing, in the same area, being too comfortable (such as the parlor where comfortable furniture is located) Maybe I AM living in a lobster trap!!!

When nothing exciting happens and you can’t seem to step forward and change things, there is an element of being trapped. So where is the escape hatch?  

Look up – It has the word CHOICE hanging over the top of it!

Change will very rarely occur if you are sitting around and waiting for someone or something to come into your life and suddenly change it for the better.   

YOU are the only one who can really make the difference. The Eagles said it best
“So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key”

Choosing to act and create something new can change the outlook in your life. The feeling of being more in control of your time, energy and patterns has a sense of freedom.

Once you have opened the hatch how do you get free from the trap emotionally and allow yourself to venture out and enjoy life once again?

 I know what you are about to say, but wait, “Mik I don’t have it all figured out!

So, what!  “neither do I”

However, what I do know is taking the first step is crucial. We do not need to know the end results. We just need to understand that the beginning is more important. Anything that we newly start is better than what we are already initially doing because we understand how that makes us feel.  

Start with the small things. What is one thing you have wanted to do? Try a new food, take a drive, buy new clothes, meet new friends, join a networking club, it doesn’t matter. Just make the conscious decision to try something different. – Make a list and pick one thing that you can kickstart outside the norm.

Get out of your own head!  Learn to relax, let things go and enjoy being you. Whatever happens, happens. You can’t control everything – Stay open minded and ask yourself why you may say “no” to something. Many times, we say “No” because it is our default answer without really an underlying reason not to try it.

Remember there isn’t failure in trying. If you don’t care for something, move on. That is the beauty of you independently controlling your own decisions.

You have a whole “Ocean” to discover. Stay away from the eels who will zap the life out of you and don’t swim with the sharks who will eat your dreams.

Rise to the surface, feel the sun on your face, and let the current take you to paradise!!

Love,

Coach Mikki

Dirt or Decision?

One day a farmer’s donkey fell into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out a way to get him out. Finally, the farmer decided it was probably impossible to get the animal out, and the animal was old, and the well was dry anyway. Making a choice at the donkey’s cost, the farmer decided filling the well would be best thing to do.   The farmer explained to his neighbors the dangers of an open well and convinced them to come over and help him fill the well with dirt.  For those who agreed with the farmers plan, grabbed a shovel, and began to help the farmer shovel dirt into the well.
At first, when the donkey realized what was happening, he cried horribly. With each pile of dirt thrown into the well everyone could hear the cry of help from the Donkey. Some of the neighbors could not stand the cries for help and left. Others began to shovel dirt faster so they could end the donkey’s life faster.  After some time, the donkey had stopped crying for help, and it became quiet.  A few shovels later, the farmer looked down the well with hesitation to see what was happening and was astonished at what he saw.
With every shovel of dirt that hit the donkey’s back, the donkey would shake it off. He would shift his body and let the dirt fall in the one direction and then another then would step on the dirt to pack it down so he could step up.  
As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he continued to shake it off and step on top of the dirt. Pretty soon, to everyone’s amazement, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!
 
 Now the original moral of the story is: Life is going to shovel dirt on you. Shake it off and take a step. I however would like to expound on this story. There are so many elements that associate with everyday life.  When we look at either past events or something currently happening, we must take into consideration all the parts. If we use the donkey as a symbol of ourselves being in the middle of a relationship, work environment or situation where we feel as though we have thrown myself into the well, who are the people in our lives choosing what they think is best for us?
Have we been happy with the result? Or comfortable with what we are experiencing?  Who are the people in our lives holding the shovels and have we allowed them to keep burying us with dirt? In my experience I had to realize that I can NOT allow others to think they can live MY LIFE better than me!!
 
We can allow others to bury us with “emotional dirt” in our lives OR we can choose to rise above it, not allow it and walk away.

And in this Corner.. F.E.A.R

And in This Corner … F.E.A.R.

  Determination, Inspirations and Transformation are within us!  The challenges we face is we allow to be buried under all the negative excuses. All the excuses and beliefs we have fabricate over the years. It is hard to find strength within ourselves when we feel so emotionally thrashed. We create these limitations for ourselves, and to top it off, we create the fear that keeps us from excelling past them.

Fear has its place in our lives.  It is an instinct meant to keep us safe. It is the basis for fight or flight reactions. Then there is the fear we create to keep our emotions and egos safe. This is F.E.A.R (Forget Everything And Run). It is the fear that is created within us, which makes us afraid to love, afraid of failure, afraid of success, afraid of being rejected, and, afraid of just being ourselves. 

When we create these fearful emotions most likely we are basing the fear on past events. opinions or something fabricated in our head. These are the fears that keep us “emotionally safe” – safe from getting hurt again. Remember, our feelings are based on either pain or pleasure. If we know something is going to cause us physical or emotional pain, then we are going to avoid it at all cost.

            There are so many people who would like to change their lives but feel stuck. The fear of deciding to change stops them in their tracks. So, they stay where they feel safe even when they know they are not happy.

We would rather cling onto what is familiar and safe than chance a fear becoming real.  We tend to clench up, fold our arms, back away, give an excuse, or alternatively we create a “real” reason as to why we have to run from the unknown.

Fear can take over our lives. It can keep us from having the relationship of our dreams just because we are afraid that “all” of our relationships will end in a breakup or a divorce.

Fear can create a nervous disorder, phobias and even paranoia. I know a family that experienced one of the small earthquakes in California. To this day they sleep by the door on the floor instead of upstairs in their bedrooms.

Fear can become debilitating. It can also cause loss of opportunities and create regret.  When fear becomes the stronger emotion, we must stop and ask ourselves, “Is there a real danger?” Why are we Fearful (Full of Fear)?  What experiences from our past or in our present lives have caused us to feel this way?

            I gave a goal setting seminar to a company in San Diego. After two days of my workshop, I had a gentleman approach me with his story about fear. He shared with me that during the companies weekly meeting he would have suggestions to improve the sales of their company’s product. However, he was too fearful to speak up with his ideas. He went on to tell me that within a meeting or two, someone else would inevitably come up with the same idea, which would then be implemented into their sales force.

            He watched over time as others advanced within the company because of the same ideas he had been too afraid to voice.

            I asked him why he let his fear hold him back. He obviously had the experience and knowledge to advance his career.

            He went on to tell me that he was afraid that his ideas were stupid, and everyone would look at him as if he were an idiot. I asked him if he thought the other people who expressed the same idea were idiots. He laughed and said, “No.”  I asked, “Then why would you think they would think that about yourself?” He replied, “I don’t know.”

            I asked him how he felt about his ideas. He told me he thought they were solid, productive ideas. “Then why do you think your colleagues would think your ideas are stupid, when time and time again you have seen otherwise?” He finally said to me, “I guess because when I ran these ideas by my wife, she thought they were stupid and told me that nobody would ever listen to me.”

I thought to myself in a sarcastic tone, “What an inspiring spouse” I looked him in the eyes and said firmly “Just because someone has an opinion of what they think will or will not work does not mean they’re right.” I could see a combination of realization and then sadness come over his face. I suggested he write down his idea for the next meeting and email it to whom would be interested in his suggestions. I said, “What’s the worst-case scenario?” It may not be the right timing for his suggestion; however, I cannot imagine anyone calling you stupid.

            The fear he felt was not a matter of what his colleagues thought, it was the fact he did not feel secure about himself based on his wife’s opinion. He was afraid to speak up during a meeting as he thought others would judge his ideas, the same way his wife judged him.

So next time FEAR comes into place, Forget Everything And RISE!!! 

Do not miss out on opportunities.

Do Not Allow Other’s Opinions to Become YOUR Reality!! – Coach Mikki

“FALL In Love with YOU”

Fall In LOVE with You!!

Autumn is my favorite season. It is a time where everything is filled with change.  The weather takes on a chill in the air.  We change our appearance with sweaters, jackets and boots that have sat dormant in the back of the closets for months. The kids go back to school and of course pumpkin everything arrives in every food item imaginable. With the coming of autumn, it can only leave us to think that the holidays are right around the corner.

We have two full months prior to the holidays.  So why not use September and October as a time to reflect, prepare and create a solid game plan to change emotionally to enhance our selves personally.  Maybe, instead of “falling” into the traditional idea of eating our way through the next 3 months, we take the time to “Fall” in Love with ourselves and change any negative beliefs into something positive.  Use this as a time to become strong in our physical and mental well-being.

We don’t have to wait for the beginning of the year to be a marker for change.

How wonderful would it be to decide ahead of time that this New Year’s resolution would not be to lose weight, but to make a resolution such as, taking a trip, grow your business with success, create a loving relationship or even learn something new. You would be amazed at how the main focus, time and energy to achieve a fun and prosperous goal will actually come to fruition. When we take care of ourselves emotionally, being healthy physically is easy.   Just as autumn is a time to let go and grow, make this a time for you to let go of emotions and obstacles that keep you from achieving your goals.  Make this your change of season to; “Fall in Love with yourself, your body and who you are” Let YOUR TRUE COLORS SHINE!!!

Mikki St. Germain – Transformational Speaker, Author & Radio Host. Her passion for the past 20+ years has been to help others transform their lives. Attend her workshop every Friday in October, Stop Eating Your Emotions, For more Info, please visit:  http://www.MikkiStGermain.com   949-429-3438

Happiness is an Inside Job!!

 

Happiness is an Inside Job!!

To many times I have heard from my clients: “I just want to Be Happy”,  “I would like to FEEL joy” “I want to BE successful” My question back to them is; So what choices are you making that is keeping you from being that way?

Have you noticed the optimal word is “BE” and “Feel” If I came up to you and said “I want you to envision something that makes you feel sad”,regardless of what kind of mind frame or what we like to call “ our mood”, Most likely you could get yourself to feel sad.

Now, if I said, envision something that makes you really happy, you could switch the sad to feelings of being happy. Actors and Actress do it all the time. They learn to control their emotions.

So is it fair to say that all of our feelings are really what we choose to feel and be at that moment?

If all we want is to “BE HAPPY” what is it that keeps us from allowing these feeling to filter through to lift our spirit? It really comes down to what WE decide to make us happy.

Our definition of Happiness is a feeling that we create for ourselves to be fulfilled. If I suggested to some of my female friends “Lets go paragliding because that’s what makes me happy. (Which btw, it does) Most of them would rather pay $150 to get their hair done because that is what makes them happy. It’s all a choice!!!

In my humble opinion to feel happy and joyous it is really based on our own actions and needs.No one or one thing can “Make” you happy or unhappy. It really comes down to what you allow and the choices that you make to create your own inner joy.

If you surround yourself with someone who is always complaining and miserable in his or her own life, it is an environment that is not positive and will leave you feeling drained. I call these individuals Emotional Black Holes, the person who sucks the life out of you, so when you walk away you are left feeling emotionally drained.

Than there is that one person you can be around for 5 minutes and you leave feeling inspired and lifted. Almost recharged. That is the person who should be your new best friend. However, it works both ways, you have to be there to lift them up too.

So…What are the GPS coordinates to the Road to Happiness?

Choose Your Happiness!!

Appreciate what you have

There is always someone in this world that has it worse than you and  they are still happy.

Weigh out what is really important and what is irreverent

There are things that can affect us in a strong way. However, you still have to choose how long you would like that feeling to exist within you.

Be Optimistic

Remove yourself from the people who think the light at the end of the tunnel is a Train!!

Surround yourself with positive people and build that relationship. The people you surround yourself with should leave you feeling good about them and yourself. Take the negative Nelly’s and Ned’s in small doses and eventually remove them all together (unless they’re family, than small doses only when needed)

Choose to work and do Hobbies that are meaningful to you

Use your time and effort where you feel engaged toward your goals.  We all have to deal with finances. However, how awesome would it be, if you finished your day and looked back on those 8 hours and felt proud and accomplished?

Give

Giving is so easy!! Give food, give time, give a smile to a stranger on the street. What you will get in return is priceless!!

Choose a Spiritual Life

Whether it is in prayer, meditation or a moment of silence. Give yourself at least 10 minutes a day to stop and regroup.

Take Care of you

Do something for your physical health. Change one unhealthy food to something beneficial for your body. Exercise creates happy endorphin’s. Take a walk. You can be one step away from a happy mood.

We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same…Anne Frank

 Stay Inspired!!

Mikki St. Germain

http://www.MikkiStGermain.com

Resentment Is Only Hurting You!

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”-Malachy McCourt

If you are constantly resenting someone or something, you have limited the amount of room available for happiness in your life. Resentment is an emotionally debilitating condition. If you are constantly focusing on the anger and hurt of the situation, then that is all you’re going to keep creating in your life. Resentment holds you prisoner to your past. The long term effects are nothing but destructive and will eventually affect everything else in your life.

If you are constantly obsessing over something or someone’s actions, all that energy you are creating by waiting, wishing and worrying is wasted. The only person that is affected by these feelings is you.

Why waste any amount of time on someone or something you don’t even want in your life?

 You have to ask yourself, “How much time and energy do I want to use on this?” The only person holding you prisoner to this event is you. Letting go of hurtful feelings has to be one of the hardest things to do. However it can also be one of the most Self Empowering choices you can make!!

Stay Inspired!!

Mikki St. Germain – Got Baggage? -Packing for Happiness!

http://www.MikkiStGermain.com